October 9 - 20
Happy Ramadan to everyone! As you may or may not know, the holy month of Ramadan is almost over, and I'm not sure how happy it actually has been for everybody involved. I say "everybody involved" because even if you are not Muslim, Ramadan impacts your life in many ways.
During Ramadan Muslims get up at the crack of dawn and have a gigantic breakfast feast before the sun rises, then they fast all day (this includes abstaining from drinking, eating, and smoking) until the sun sets when they then have another gigantic feast called iftar and stay up until 2:00 in the morning. Then, the next day they get up and do it all over again. Ironically enough, Muslims actually GAIN weight during Ramadan more than they lose it.
The people who do lose weight during Ramadan are the non-Muslims living here. Not only are Muslims forbidden to eat or drink or smoke, they are forbidden from seeing other people eat or drink or smoke during daylight hours. This means that all of the eating establishments are closed until sunset, except for a few that cover their windows with black paper so that no one can see inside. At traffic intersections you find all the non-Muslims bent over in their cars pretending they are tuning their radio stations. In reality, they are shoving a bear claw and half a liter of coffee down their gullet or taking a few quick gulps of life-saving water. I've decided that playing the "pregnant woman card" puts a lot less strain on my neck. If I shove a small pillow into my shirt, you can't even tell the difference. Rich has also thought about playing that card, but hasn't had as much success as I have. Instead, he's decided to try the following cover up:
Rich: But officer, I was just trying to adjust my er, uh . . . gas pedal.
(Assuming he speaks English) Officer: You mean that pedal next to the gallon of cashews?
Rich: . . . . The vehicle is actually a hybrid, fuelled by nuts and seeds . . . and your country's high-quality, low-cost petroleum products. (Sheepish smile.)
Officer: Son, you got a driver's license, registration, proof of insurance, your mother's maiden name and bank card PIN?
Rich: Funny story, officer, the guy who sold me these cashew nuts, Hamid--a real card, by the way--said he would only sell food to me during daylight if I gave him my wallet and either of my two children. So, anyway, Hamid's got my driver's license, but he won't be hard to find: just follow the sounds of the yelping Henny . . . .
(Check out http://www.suntimes.co.za/zones/sundaytimesNEW/basket7st/basket7st1129553554.aspx for a crazy story related to this topic.)
Actually, I have found that public restrooms make ideal place to grab a quick chocolate croissant or gulp down a yogurt drink, as long as you do it with your back to the john.
Ramadan also affects non-Muslims' lives in other ways. These days I stand in front of my classes and listen to my students explain how they were "too hungry to finish the assignment or participate in class." So I respond very truthfully and tell them that I am too hungry to give them a good grade. If it's not one thing, it's another.
Most of the restaurants serve up big iftar buffets for dinner instead of food a la carte, so you have to plan your arrival just right. If you get there ten minutes after the sun has set, your dinner will consist of a few pieces of limp lettuce and twenty-seven fish heads. And regardless of what time you get there, you will have to eat your dinner in a room so thick with cigarette smoke you're not exactly sure if you've just asked your server or another patron to please bring you some over-priced bottled water.
Statistically speaking, there are also more automobile accidents during Ramadan; I can't imagine why: In the morning, the roads are filled with hungry and tired people who haven't had a caffiene or nicotine fix since the night before. At night, particularly just before sunset, the roads are filled with people who are racing home or to the nearest restaurant so that they can eat some food and light up their Marlboro. At times like that it's just best to stay in your home, lock your doors, and go to bed.
On the positive side, all stores have randomly changed their hours, and you never know if a place is open until you get there. It's kind of a pleasant surprise when you find out that they are.
Christian is becoming very anxious for Henry to grow up. This week at dinner while Henry was babbling, Christian turned to him and said, "Don't say na, na, na, Henny -- TALK!" For his part Henry is trying. He can now roar like a lion, and even though his uh-oh is more like uh-uh, it still counts in our book. He also says ooohhhh when something unexpected happens. He has discovered how to express his dislike about something, and is getting quite good at it.
Okay, that's it from our end here. Hope that Halloween preparations are coming along nicely for you all. We hardly realize Halloween is upon us. It's hard to keep track of the holidays in a place where there are no Targets or Walmarts filled with aisles of cheap Halloween candy and Jason masks. We'd love to see some pictures of all of our scary friends and family dressed up as something even scarier.
Movie Quote: It's my new juice tiger; I juice everythin' now. I'm on the new Garth Brooks juice diet."
So I married an Axe Murderer